Am I An Adult Child?

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An adult child, often shaped by experiences in dysfunctional families, is someone who approaches adult situations with self-doubt, self-blame, or a feeling of inferiority—all patterns learned in childhood. Without support, such as that offered in ACA meetings, we may unknowingly function with ineffective thoughts and judgments as adults. This regression can be subtle, yet it undermines our decisions and relationships.

These 25 questions provide insight into how children, particularly adult children of dysfunctional families, are affected by growing up with a problem drinker, even years after leaving the home. Additionally, these questions are relevant to adults raised in environments marked by food issues, sex abuse, workaholism, or ultra-religious abuse. Many foster children, now adults, can also relate to these queries in the context of ACA meetings.

1. Do you recall anyone in your family drinking or taking drugs, or engaging in other behaviors that you now believe could be considered dysfunctional?  

2. Did you avoid bringing friends to your home due to the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior present?  

3. Did one of your parents make excuses for the other parent’s drinking or other concerning behaviors?  

4. Did your parents focus on their relationship so much that they seemed to ignore your needs?  

5. Did your parents or relatives argue frequently?  

6. Were you drawn into arguments or disagreements, feeling pressured to choose sides between relatives?  

7. Did you feel the need to protect your siblings from the effects of drinking or other problematic behaviors in the family?  

8. As an adult child from a dysfunctional family, do you sometimes feel immature or like a child inside?  

9. Do you feel treated like a child during interactions with your parents and find yourself continuing to play a childhood role?  

10. Do you believe it is your responsibility to care for your parents’ feelings or worries? Do other family members turn to you to resolve their issues?  

11. Do you have a fear of authority figures or confrontational people?  

12. Do you often seek approval or praise but struggle to accept compliments?  

13. Do you view most forms of criticism as personal attacks?  

14. Do you over-commit yourself, only to feel angry when others don’t appreciate your efforts?  

15. Do you feel responsible for how others feel or behave?  

16. Do you struggle to identify your own feelings?  

17. Do you seek love or security externally?  

18. Do you find yourself involved in the problems of others, feeling more alive when there’s a crisis?  

19. Do you equate sex with intimacy?  

20. Do you confuse love and pity?  

21. Have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous individual, and questioned how you got there?  

22. Do you judge yourself harshly, wondering what is considered normal?  

23. Do you behave differently in public compared to how you act at home?  

24. Do you think your parents struggled with drinking or drug use?  

25. Have you been affected by your parents' drinking or other dysfunctional behaviors?  

If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, you may be struggling with the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family. We invite you to consider attending ACA meetings in your area to learn more.  

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) is an anonymous fellowship based on Twelve Step and Twelve Tradition principles. Our ACA meetings provide a supportive environment for adult children to share their experiences and connect with others who understand their struggles. By participating in these meetings regularly and discussing our lives, we can gradually change our perspectives and behaviors. By working the ACA program, we discover healthier ways to cope. You can find a worldwide list of ACA meetings, including telephone and online options, at: